Happiness is a Journey

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It’s physical, like a continuous stroll

You’re on this never ending stroll with yourself, your thoughts, your mind

And with each stride you have to constantly find something to delight you; on the pathway, from your memory, from somewhere

Even when it’s not there

 

The stroll can sometimes be uppity and you break into a run

The air in your face, your body releasing endorphins in gorgeous amounts

And with each release you know your day will be bubbly, just because

Even when you don’t feel like it

 

Other times you’re just so weak

You’re crawling, tears streaming down, baring your soul to Him

And with every gasp; you’re asking for your light to brighten up, for your joy to fill up again

Even when it feels so far off

 

Happiness is a journey, it’s like a continuous stroll

You’re on this never ending stroll with yourself, your thoughts, your mind

And with each stride you have to constantly find something to delight you; on the pathway, from your memory, from somewhere

Even when it’s not there.

Silver Linings

Yesterday,
Commute back home

My friend buzzed me on Skype with a link to a video comparing Siri, Cortana and Google now. Attached to the link was “Since you seem to like these things”.
My first real smile broke out.
Then he asked “How are you?
And this one time it felt okay to say “I’m not okay”

I’m not.
They say the first step is awareness and the next is acceptance, yes?

OK.

***

When I got to the bus stop, a random girl walked past me and said hello with a really cheerful smile.
I couldn’t ruin her day, so I gave it my best shot and said hello with a good smile too.
We ended up in the same Keke.

When she got to her bus stop, I took it further. I smiled and said “Ba-bye”
She gave me that irresistible smile again, walked back and paid my fare.

I didn’t get a chance to say thank you.
I got extra money to buy Chipsy!

***

I got my favorite seat on the bus – by the window.
Didn’t get a good sitting partner :(

I spent the entire journey trying to ensure his clammy skin wouldn’t rub against mine.

Still, I didn’t miss the sun setting in the sky!

 

Silver Linings - Sunset

<3 <3

 

***

I’ve been seeing some really huge mangoes everywhere, recently.
They’re literally as big as my head  and my head is very big.
I stopped over to make enquires.

A small girl walked up to me, said it was a hundred bucks and asked how many I wanted.
I said one, and asked what kinda mangoes they were
She said they’re called “Jekoyo”
Transalation: Eat and be filled.

I had the heartiest laughter in that moment

 

Silver Linings - Mango

She was right! I couldn’t finish it!!!

***

There’s this woman on the way to my house who sells the most unhealthy puffpuffs. Like they’re so oily and sweet at the same time, you’re literally crying about your fat destiny while you eat them. :(

With our fists held up with grit, my sister and I said “We shall indulge”
We hop on this bike and we (the bike guy and us) had the best convos ever! (see in following paragraph, this paragraph is dedicated to the puffs yo!

The puffpuffs were oily as ever, but they were good, so good. <3

P.S.: That woman is probably the only person who sells puffpuff at night. Freaky!

 

***

So, to the bike guy;

While my sister was buying the puffpuff (I’m too posh to be stretching my hand to buy that stuff flicks hair), the guy was peering intently at something.
I venture; “What are you looking at?”
He says; “That paper, I think say na 100 naira, I wan go take am”
I’m like gasp “But it’s not your own, your money isn’t lost!”
He says; “If you see money on the floor, you no go take am?”
I said; “No really. The only reason I’d pick money off the floor is if I am stranded and penniless. Somehow, I’d think it was God’s intervention” (No, I didn’t speak all this English to him
He said “Ah! Be there! Even if I get 10 million naira, if I see 1000 naira on the floor, I go still carry am! So far I no slap somebody collect am or break inside someone shop take am, I go carry am! Na Lagos we dey o!”

insert inspirational quote about these things, ‘cause I just can’t find the words right now

***

Still on the bike guy;

We bought him puffpuffs too (yeah, we is nice kids)
He was holding the nylon of puffpuffs and riding his bike yeah, and suddenly at some point, he flings his hand –the puffpuff nylon hand – in the air to shout at some other driver.
I had a mini panic attack. I’m like – in my head – oh no! If you do not want the puff puff, give it to me!
So he wouldn’t do it again, I said “What if someone snatches that nylon?”
He laughed and therein begun this speech; (pay attention)

He said he never locks his bike when he parks it for the night and that no one can ever steal it.
That even if he put dollars in a nylon on his bike and walked away, he’d meet it intact when he returned.
He’s like; “You no fit go to a mad woman say you wan check wetin she dey carry, so nobody fit touch my thing.

After a moment of silence, he said;
“That thing wey I dey talk, na like this you go get am.
Find female dog, when she born, one day after, carry one of the pikin, kill am. You go put the blood on anything/anywhere wey you no want make anybody steal”

He then proceeds to swear by the name of my Heavenly Father!
The chump!

(Thank you God for your merciful kindness!)

***

I got a call from a friend I had promised I’d call and didn’t. While I was going on and on apologizing, he says “hush, just wanted to check you’re fine” :)

 

There’s a lot of beauty in the world, it’s up to us to find them and make them our happy pills, our own silver linings,  no matter how hard it gets.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Halcyon

I’ve been happy lately.

Too happy for the normal me.

The kind of happy that has me double checking if I’m still me or something happened when I wasn’t looking.

I danced for two straight hours on Sunday and turned the bus home last night to a mini club, dancing and singing aloud, with my best partner in crazy – the sister.

I’m finding music in all the noise around me and something to laugh about in all the chaos.

There’s just something funny on every turn and it’s beautiful.

I’m waking up at five to have a hasty breakfast, because I was too lazy to have dinner.

I’m reading at every tiny chance of silence I have.

I’m standing in the sun and feeling it’s warmth.

I’m letting go of things that I can’t understand, brooding on nothing.

I’m practicing new dance steps, waiting for the next friend who’s gonna get married, because, I just want to boogy down yo!

It feels weird to be in this state…

I like weird.

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into the happiness forever, to stay afloat on top if it” – Elizabeth Gilbert

It’s the little things…

Falling ill. Lying in bed helpless for 8 days. Having my parents take turns by my bed side. My mum massaging my back ’cause it hurt. Eating custard and eko for five days. Bottles of Lucozade littered in my room. Friend’s calling to check-in. Crying that I could take it no more. Seeing the fear in my mother’s eyes. Finding muse in the mid of the night to write my last post. Using the last bit of my strength to type it out on my phone (Took an hour thirty minutes). Trudging to the kitchen and falling in the middle of the night. Having Superman/Dad rescue me. My mum bathing me. My mum looking for my underwear. My mum giving up on my choosiness over my underwear and asking my dad to help. My dad running away. Taking 16 injections. Having ice cubes strapped in my pajama bottoms over the lump the injections created. Hiding pills beneath my bed. Throwing the food away when no one was looking. Praying to God to help me get better. Watching movies and sleeping off before the title is up. Fighting to make a goddamn toast with no strength. Recuperating. Seeing the the light in their eyes. Bisi making me spaghetti and buying me ice-cream. Watching New Girl till late in the night. Getting back to work.

I “might” have found inner peace.

All of life is but a dream; paint it if you would, write it if that suits or sing it to your tune but whatever you do, don’t just bloody live it. Create it.

:)