Dear Daughter,

Dear daughter

 

I bought my first compact brown powder over the weekend, along with a good shade of foundation and a powder brush. As I worked my way through putting my face together on Sunday morning, I laughed at myself for a bit. See, I remember the years of agony my mother faced with having two kids who are nothing like her where making up is concerned. I thought about how she tried everything to get us to be “make-up wearers” early enough and how she constantly rolled her eyes when she saw us ready to go out with bushy eyebrows, roughly put talcum powder and lip balm. I remembered her say at some point that we’d grow up suddenly and realize making up wasn’t such a bad thing, and I smiled at how right she was.

There’s something so decidedly feminine and adult about the whole process of getting ready and it made me think of you – even though you aren’t here yet – and my mom. I hope you meet her, and I hope she teaches you all the tricks with making up with her huge make up box that I hope you inherit. And then, I hoped that you too would one day celebrate how I was right about something you were stubborn about 🙂

I settled into wondering what you would be like, and I hoped against hope that you wouldn’t inherit some of my characteristics. I hope you aren’t stubborn about your ideals and you are flexible enough to embrace change, unlike me and that you do not want to live a fantasy or build sand castles in the sky and hold on to its possibility with dogmatism. I hope you do not have my almost horrible ability to over-analyze and dissect any situation even when I know it’s only gonna cause me grief. I hope you do not dance around pessimism and negative what ifs like I tend to but hold on to optimism like your life depends on it, ’cause it does. I hope your nails are not short and stubby like mine, and they are as far away from your mouth, as the east is from the west. I hope you do not become overly independent or dependent. I hope you are never timid, and you can stand in front of every crowd to say everything that pops in your mind, intelligently. I hope you don’t shut yourself from the world when you feel bad, because people were made to both lift you up and bring you down; you need them, no matter the state of your mind. And I hope you don’t cry so easily or so often.

I hope you love food – the cooking as well as the eating -and you have a good eating habit.  I hope you make good friends that would stand the test of time and are of good character, and I hope you keep them. I hope you know and love your body, never to lazy to keep it in shape and never shy of its weird complexities. I hope you are creatively inclined and that country music gives you peace and rock songs make you happy 🙂 . I hope it brings you joy to do crazy uncoordinated dances, like me. I hope you find your purpose early and work you way towards it with fierce determination. And I hope you’re a happy child, giving the joy to the world, one smile at a time.

I hope you have a good sense of self and hold on to becoming you. I hope you’re opinionated, actually, you have to be, it’s too strong in my family. But I mostly hope you know how to put a good balance, knowing where your opinions should rather be held on to, than said out loud. I hope your days are filled with confidence, knowing you can do anything with God and determination. I hope you’re more selfless than I try to be, knowing that people always come before things. And you’re smart and thoughtful and generous, not only because it’s sexy, but because it’s everything.

I hope you’re friends with my father, and that you spend your early years sitting at his feet, listening to words of wisdom and I hope his arms are still strong enough to lift you up like he lifted me up when I little. I hope every scar you get from the world moulds you into a woman of wisdom and character who understands better because she has learnt. And I hope it never ever gets you down. I hope you learn to love early and then find love. And I hope when you find “the one”, you treat him like he is the one.

I hope you’re more of a lady than I am, wearing skirts, heeled shoes and red lipstick. I hope your hair is always in place, ’cause I’m not sure I’d be able to help with that pretty well – my natural hair always needs to be set free in loose tangles on sunny afternoons 🙂 . I hope you’re strong and zealous and enthusiastic about life. I really hope you decide early on to live a life geared towards inspiring and helping others, living a story worth telling. I hope you work out your own salvation, love Jesus a heck ova lot and have a steady relationship, it’ll make all the difference in your life. I hope you set your path straight before you and walk in that direction daily, never losing sight of the big picture whilst still giving time to appreciate the beauties of life all around you.

Dear Daughter, above all, I hope I can be all things and more for and to you. A good example, a role model, a friend, a sister, a goofy partner, an available ear to your rants and a prayer partner. I’d love to share my shoes with you – hurry, have big feet!, and have you steal my clothes. I’d be excited to be chauffeur more often than not and your teacher every single day! I want to be the pillow you cry on when you get your heart broken – you most likely will – and I’d be glad to eat all the comfort food and get fat with you on the road to healing.  And while I’m waiting to start this relationship with you, I’d spend these days of my youth becoming someone worthy to be looked up to as a mother.

Lots of love,

It’s the little things…

Falling ill. Lying in bed helpless for 8 days. Having my parents take turns by my bed side. My mum massaging my back ’cause it hurt. Eating custard and eko for five days. Bottles of Lucozade littered in my room. Friend’s calling to check-in. Crying that I could take it no more. Seeing the fear in my mother’s eyes. Finding muse in the mid of the night to write my last post. Using the last bit of my strength to type it out on my phone (Took an hour thirty minutes). Trudging to the kitchen and falling in the middle of the night. Having Superman/Dad rescue me. My mum bathing me. My mum looking for my underwear. My mum giving up on my choosiness over my underwear and asking my dad to help. My dad running away. Taking 16 injections. Having ice cubes strapped in my pajama bottoms over the lump the injections created. Hiding pills beneath my bed. Throwing the food away when no one was looking. Praying to God to help me get better. Watching movies and sleeping off before the title is up. Fighting to make a goddamn toast with no strength. Recuperating. Seeing the the light in their eyes. Bisi making me spaghetti and buying me ice-cream. Watching New Girl till late in the night. Getting back to work.

I “might” have found inner peace.

All of life is but a dream; paint it if you would, write it if that suits or sing it to your tune but whatever you do, don’t just bloody live it. Create it.

🙂

Things I’ve Learnt

Long ago, when I was 19 and still a radio junkie, I was listening to one of those night shows they had on Cool FM – don’t remember the title or the show now – and the presenter read out all of these with the title “I’ve learnt that…”. I was an agile kid, I took it all down. All of it didn’t add up then, they still all don’t add up now, but, I like them and I’m sharing them and you’re gonna read them 😛

You heard!

I’ve learnt that,

  • Just because you like someone doesn’t mean they’ll like you back
  • It takes years to build trust but only seconds to destroy it
  • You can get on charm for about 15 seconds, after that you had better know something
  • You shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do, but the best you can do
  • We don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change
  • You shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret, it could change your life forever
  • Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something different
  • There are many ways of falling and staying in love
  • Your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t know you
  • The paradigm we live is not all that’s offered to us
  • What you see isn’t always what you get
  • It’s not what happens to people that’s important, it’s what they do about it
  • No matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides
  • You should always leave loved ones with loving words; it may be the last time you’ll see them
  • You can’t keep going long after you think you can’t
  • No matter how broken your heart is, the world doesn’t stop for your grief
  • The law of give and it shall be given unto you, doesn’t always apply
  • Good or bad sex is just a thing of the mind
  • Just because two people argue doesn’t mean they don’t love each other and because they don’t doesn’t mean they do
  • Sometimes, you have to put the individual ahead of their actions
  • Our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become
  • Sometimes when friends fight, you’re forced to choose sides even when you don’t want to
  • Heroes are people who do what needs to be done, regardless of the consequences
  • Learning to forgive takes practice
  • No matter how good someone is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that
  • It isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself
  • Absence most times doesn’t make the heart grow fonder
  • Bad things happen to good people
  • The patient dog might just die of hunger
  • Not everyone is cut out for marriage
  • Change is the only constant thing in life

That’s all folks!