• Entries,  Musings

    Stages of Desperation

    Every time I want something, something I cannot readily reach in my resources to get, something that my getting depends on someone else’s feelings or emotions or mood or choice, I have these mini panic attacks in phases. I. Hate. It. Say for example, I wanted to get an A in a particular course (for some highly unnecessary reason in retrospect, and this was always the case when I was in school), I’d calculate how many marks I needed to hit the grade, then I’d look at the questions and choose the ones I knew I could attempt exceptionally well and then I’d give it my best shot. But, as…

  • Entries,  Musings

    Sweet Imperfections

    It was on a day like this one I found my biggest flaw and even finding it was a flaw in itself. How can a flaw be so hard to find? It’s a flaw, it should be glaring! But it wasn’t. We’d combed through all the little imperfections and considered them not big enough till we’d found this. In truth, “we” didn’t find this, you did, and it took at least thirty minutes of talking and arguing and practically negotiating before I came down to it. I’m sorry. See what I just realized? For every time I said my biggest fear was failure or oblivion, I lied. I cannot fail;…

  • Entries,  Musings

    A Glimpse of God

    I’m one of those people who went cashless even before there were enough ATMs and POS terminals¬†around. I just conveniently forget to withdraw. Somewhere in my head, it helps me spend less. In real life, it ruins my budget plans and makes me spend twice as much! Nonetheless, you’d still catch me with insufficient cash four out of seven days, and yes, today was one of those days. I didn’t withdraw last night – conveniently forgot again. I’d thought “I’d just ask someone at home to loan me a tiny bit plus some more for emergency“. I had the thought till I slept for the night. Still¬†had it when I…