Impulse

I do this impulse thing all the time

Just standing right there, moping

One minute normal

The next, insane

One minute guarded

The next, let loose

One minute demure

The next, wild

One minute introverted

The next, the circus clown

 

I do this impulse thing where I don’t even know it’s me

Just sitting there thinking;

If I suddenly got on my chair and started doing the funky chicken,

Would they think me mad or join in?

If I got up and started giving a pep talk,

Would they listen or give me the eye?

If I suddenly started crying loudly,

Would they run to me or chuckle beneath their breath?

 

I do this impulse thing where my dad just on-looks

Trying not to say – again – that I’m not growing

This impulse thing that gets me by when I’m sullen

This impulse thing that just freaking makes me happy!

 

I do this impulse thing all the time

I hope it never wears off.

Halcyon

I’ve been happy lately.

Too happy for the normal me.

The kind of happy that has me double checking if I’m still me or something happened when I wasn’t looking.

I danced for two straight hours on Sunday and turned the bus home last night to a mini club, dancing and singing aloud, with my best partner in crazy – the sister.

I’m finding music in all the noise around me and something to laugh about in all the chaos.

There’s just something funny on every turn and it’s beautiful.

I’m waking up at five to have a hasty breakfast, because I was too lazy to have dinner.

I’m reading at every tiny chance of silence I have.

I’m standing in the sun and feeling it’s warmth.

I’m letting go of things that I can’t understand, brooding on nothing.

I’m practicing new dance steps, waiting for the next friend who’s gonna get married, because, I just want to boogy down yo!

It feels weird to be in this state…

I like weird.

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into the happiness forever, to stay afloat on top if it” – Elizabeth Gilbert