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The aggrieved.

Yup. That’s me.

I work in my office (yeah, obviously) and I had a very best friend. She didn’t die. She resigned. And in a little over 36 hours, every step I’ve taken at work has come with pitying glances, hoping I’m fine.

Here are a number of reactions/responses I’ve gotten:

***

The Cleaner: Adeola, she no come yesterday and I no see her today, hope everything is fine?

Me: *flippanty* (or at least feigning it perfectly) She’s fine. She got a new job. She’s moved on.

The Cleaner: Hey! Sorry o! Eeyahhhh! Pele. God will create a way for you too o!

Me: *walking away wondering at what point I complained about my job to her and shaking my head* Amen

***

The Spirited Colleague: Hey, what’s this gist I’m hearing that she has moved? Is it true?

Me: Yup. Friday was her last.

The Spirited Colleague: Aww. I’m here for you! I know the void is too large to be filled but I’ll try. You hear?

Me: *With  a fake smile* I hear.

***

The very slow geek: Where’s your sister?

Me: *frustrated* She resigned.

The very slow geek: Aww. Why didn’t she take you along?

Me: As her handbag?

The very slow geek: No now, like get you a job there too

Me: *too tired to contain it* *fake smile* Ok! So you got your answer about her whereabouts, I need to go now. Bye!

***

The Team Lead: Aww ‘Deola, see how quiet you are ’cause she’s not around. Don’t worry, we’d soon employ someone to fill her position. I’m trying to find someone like you so you can get along nicely. Do you want a boy or a girl?

(I hope you share my exasperated sentiments at this point)

Others have included offers to go home with me, unexpected hugs, exaggerated kindness and of course the pitying glances

I’m getting pushed to putting up a sign at the door of my department that says;

“Hello people, this too shall pass! Can you help make it faster by being normal and not doing a poor job at feigning it, it’s starting to piss me off!”

I know they care, and I know it’s sheer love and compassion but  it’s not helping me one bit.

On the flip side, I miss you nigger and I miss the way it used to be. Remember this?

Voiceless “Mirror on the wall” cover

 

 

And you feel too much

I decided to try writing on impulse today. No deep analyzing thoughts. Just type. I looked to Daily Prompt. It said:

Daily Prompt: Can’t Drive 55 

Take the third line of the last song you heard, make it your post title, and write for a maximum of 15 minutes. GO!

 

That song’s been on repeat all day. Here it goes!

Many times, I feel like I have scars. Scars from different experiences. But don’t we all, I mean, every bad experience we have leaves us with its own unique scar.

There’s like five scars on my left arm. The most prominent one lies midway between my wrist and my elbow. I got it when I was 8. Our dogs had to be given some injection like that. Either ’cause they were sick or ’cause they wanted to ensure they didn’t give anyone rabies. I’m not sure. I never tried to find out. All I was certain of was the injection made them cranky and they had no appetite for food.

I got back from school eating speedy biscuit. When I got into the compound, all four of them barked – most likely their little way of acknowledging my arrival. Billy came close. I reached out, he snarled at me. I walked away. I was close to the door when he came back. I felt he had a rethink, so I put my hand out to scratch his head and in a split second, there was a snarl, a scream and blood oozing out of my arm.

He turned and walked away. Was he remorseful? I never found out. Had to get to the hospital before I joined them in the barking kingdom. Did I feel betrayed? Hell yes!

I still feel the pain. As with all the other scars I’ve gotten over the years.

Some scars fade away with time. Others are internal, they never quite heal. We just try to smooth it over to make the hurt go away.

But pain is pain. It never really goes away. Or maybe we just feel too much.

Time’s up!

 

Things

Things that can make me happy when I’m in my all-time low:

A stranger reaching out
Sitting out and talking about life
A romantic movie (kinda gives me false hope)
A good book
Arranging my closet
Little kids strolling by without a care in the world
Cake/Puffpuff and Ice-cream/Froyo
The way my dad feigns ignoring me just to get me back
Trying out new clothes
Running till I’m breathless
Art in all its many forms
Singing in the shower
The way my sister gets angry when I’m sad
Having the house to myself
Performing a duet – alone – to no audience
A passing whiff of good perfume
Spaghetti
Smiling at a begger
Playing on a swing in a park
Cigarette smoke in an air-conditioned room
Taking pictures of silhouettes on a sunny afternoon
Music
Holding a baby
Fantasizing about the not-so-distant future
Knowing all my many dreams would come true

Things that can’t make me happy:
Things