This is the thing.
I started this blog July 2013 and at the time, I had said I wanted to learn to breathe and pen every bit of it down. I haven’t learned so far and I clearly haven’t been penning much down. I’m not entirely sure what breathing meant to me almost three years ago and I assume that because it was this vague large thing I had more as a picture in my head, than a listed out plan, I did nothing – and wrote nothing that pertained to actual steps to learning to breathe.
Maybe learning to breathe wasn’t the thing to focus on, perhaps it should have been more like learning to live, like actually having a life.
At the start of this year, as opposed to writing real short-term goals that I wanted to actualise within the year – like I’d done in other years before – I wrote out items from my 50-itemed bucket list that I wanted ticked out at the end of the year. The thing about this, for me, is while at the end of other years, I’d wind up sulking on not achieving all the goals I’d written for many reasons beyond me, my bucket-list is on me! The list is hardly dependent on anyone. So, in a totally unexpected turn of events, I’m only 3 months into this year and I already have this warm fuzzy feeling of accomplishment, of doing something I always wanted to, of living.
For this reason, it’s no longer okay for me to write on random stuff like I have in the past couple of years. I want to pen something down towards a purpose. I want to write honest posts about actually trying to live as opposed to existing. I want it to feel okay to write about things that make me vulnerable. To write about things that happened to me or my insecurities. To just plain put it out there, not for the many reasons blogging should be about, but for the sole purpose of it. I want to be real, to be the person I am in my head, the person no one else interacts with. And while I’m certain that would take a really long time, I am willing to try.
So – after my long unlinking rant – what this is really going to be about is finding myself. They say to find out what you want in life and from other people, you have to know yourself first and at the core of knowing and accepting one’s self is vulnerability – the art of being unguarded and open and willing. I am willing.
Once again, I do not have an active plan figured out, like I didn’t in the last three years, but this time, I’m really about recording the lessons and events I stumble on along the way and celebrating the big triumphs and small victories, because above everything else, it helps me clear my head and gives a wholesome perspective.
And yes! You are welcome to join me on “this” journey, whether you are on an entirely different one or you just want to walk with me through mine.