Silver Linings

Yesterday,
Commute back home

My friend buzzed me on Skype with a link to a video comparing Siri, Cortana and Google now. Attached to the link was “Since you seem to like these things”.
My first real smile broke out.
Then he asked “How are you?
And this one time it felt okay to say “I’m not okay”

I’m not.
They say the first step is awareness and the next is acceptance, yes?

OK.

***

When I got to the bus stop, a random girl walked past me and said hello with a really cheerful smile.
I couldn’t ruin her day, so I gave it my best shot and said hello with a good smile too.
We ended up in the same Keke.

When she got to her bus stop, I took it further. I smiled and said “Ba-bye”
She gave me that irresistible smile again, walked back and paid my fare.

I didn’t get a chance to say thank you.
I got extra money to buy Chipsy!

***

I got my favorite seat on the bus – by the window.
Didn’t get a good sitting partner :(

I spent the entire journey trying to ensure his clammy skin wouldn’t rub against mine.

Still, I didn’t miss the sun setting in the sky!

 

Silver Linings - Sunset

<3 <3

 

***

I’ve been seeing some really huge mangoes everywhere, recently.
They’re literally as big as my head  and my head is very big.
I stopped over to make enquires.

A small girl walked up to me, said it was a hundred bucks and asked how many I wanted.
I said one, and asked what kinda mangoes they were
She said they’re called “Jekoyo”
Transalation: Eat and be filled.

I had the heartiest laughter in that moment

 

Silver Linings - Mango

She was right! I couldn’t finish it!!!

***

There’s this woman on the way to my house who sells the most unhealthy puffpuffs. Like they’re so oily and sweet at the same time, you’re literally crying about your fat destiny while you eat them. :(

With our fists held up with grit, my sister and I said “We shall indulge”
We hop on this bike and we (the bike guy and us) had the best convos ever! (see in following paragraph, this paragraph is dedicated to the puffs yo!

The puffpuffs were oily as ever, but they were good, so good. <3

P.S.: That woman is probably the only person who sells puffpuff at night. Freaky!

 

***

So, to the bike guy;

While my sister was buying the puffpuff (I’m too posh to be stretching my hand to buy that stuff flicks hair), the guy was peering intently at something.
I venture; “What are you looking at?”
He says; “That paper, I think say na 100 naira, I wan go take am”
I’m like gasp “But it’s not your own, your money isn’t lost!”
He says; “If you see money on the floor, you no go take am?”
I said; “No really. The only reason I’d pick money off the floor is if I am stranded and penniless. Somehow, I’d think it was God’s intervention” (No, I didn’t speak all this English to him
He said “Ah! Be there! Even if I get 10 million naira, if I see 1000 naira on the floor, I go still carry am! So far I no slap somebody collect am or break inside someone shop take am, I go carry am! Na Lagos we dey o!”

insert inspirational quote about these things, ‘cause I just can’t find the words right now

***

Still on the bike guy;

We bought him puffpuffs too (yeah, we is nice kids)
He was holding the nylon of puffpuffs and riding his bike yeah, and suddenly at some point, he flings his hand –the puffpuff nylon hand – in the air to shout at some other driver.
I had a mini panic attack. I’m like – in my head – oh no! If you do not want the puff puff, give it to me!
So he wouldn’t do it again, I said “What if someone snatches that nylon?”
He laughed and therein begun this speech; (pay attention)

He said he never locks his bike when he parks it for the night and that no one can ever steal it.
That even if he put dollars in a nylon on his bike and walked away, he’d meet it intact when he returned.
He’s like; “You no fit go to a mad woman say you wan check wetin she dey carry, so nobody fit touch my thing.

After a moment of silence, he said;
“That thing wey I dey talk, na like this you go get am.
Find female dog, when she born, one day after, carry one of the pikin, kill am. You go put the blood on anything/anywhere wey you no want make anybody steal”

He then proceeds to swear by the name of my Heavenly Father!
The chump!

(Thank you God for your merciful kindness!)

***

I got a call from a friend I had promised I’d call and didn’t. While I was going on and on apologizing, he says “hush, just wanted to check you’re fine” :)

 

There’s a lot of beauty in the world, it’s up to us to find them and make them our happy pills, our own silver linings,  no matter how hard it gets.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Voices in my Head

I liked the shrill laughter and fun conversations better,

They made the world at large seem like a lofty playground

 

Then I grew up, and the voices took different turns

Some turned to screams at the dead of the night

Some to random statements of not being enough

 

I’m walking my days, trying to find the good voices again

When you see me, drop a few nice words, would you?

Thank you.

Ironies.

He called looking for his father

I found his father

His father said he didn’t want to see him

I told him nothing

 

He came looking for me

To have family from his -unknown- father’s side

I hugged him and made him feel safe

It did nothing

 

He called asking for his father’s number

I scurried around to get it despite his father’s instruction

I got it and kept it

I did nothing

 

He followed up with me on his father’s number

I felt immense guilt and handed it over

He felt immense gratitude for this new information

But he did nothing – yet.

 

He called to check on me

We promised we’d keep in touch

He lost his phone

I did nothing

 

***

His -unknown- father died this morning

I called hoping somehow I’d break it to him

He said he finally did something

I said; “what?”

He said he sent a series of messages pouring out his heart and how he felt

I couldn’t bring myself to say why I called

So, once again, I did nothing.

It’s Okay

It's Okay

 

 

It’s okay to sit, confused at the world at large,
Not knowing what next to do;
It’s okay.

It’s okay to pick out all the many facets of your life,
Not knowing if they are working right;
It’s okay.

It’s okay to take time away from the world,
Not caring about anyone but you;
It’s okay.

It’s okay to cry behind closed doors,
Not knowing if it’ll make you feel better;
It’s okay.

It’s okay to mumble to God between sobs,
Not caring if you’re making any sense;
It’s okay.

It’s okay to feel lost
Not certain of the way out;
It’s okay.

It’s okay to sit still
Not certain what next to do;
It’s okay.