One of those days

These are random thoughts that crossed my mind on my way to work – in the damn bus – today:

– All bus drivers and conductors really need to be tutored on how “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”! I’m like Jeez! Why do they always do this? {“This” being not brushing their teeth, having a quick bath or at least doing “rub and shine”}

– Plus, they do NOT deserve to hear. They should all be doomed with deafness for consistently blaring loud noise in the name of music!

– If Tiwa Savage should sing one more song with a repeated word in the chorus, her voice box should be taken away 😐 Love me x 4!!!, Kele Kele Love, Kele Kele Love Oh , Eminado Eminado!!! What tha?!

– And by the way, who does Olamide think he is? Always screaming at someone and he’ll be forming singing a jam!

– Sitting in the front seat of the bus, with the wind blowing in your face has this whimsical feeling of “owner’s corner”, yes?

– Busing in Lagos makes you violent :( {Some calm girl- in between sleep – had her umbrella drop out of the moving bus, she had to rave and rant before they let her get it}

– Is it just me or people in cars look out at those in buses with pitiful expressions? {I think I do it when I’m in the car too *thinking* Oh whatever!}

– There’s no place like home {This came the moment the bus driver passed a different route that had me trekking for the next ten minutes before I was any bit close to my office location}

– I take back all the times I said “I can’t wait to grow up”… It’s such a jungle out here :(

– I know I didn’t choose this life, I just don’t know why the heck it chose me!

22!

It rained all-day on my birthday, last year. I kinda secretly hope it rains tomorrow.  I’ve always loved the rain (at least when I’m not all dressed up and under it). When I was much younger, I’d run behind my house in a swimsuit or just underwear, holding the closest instrument that could serve as a microphone; I’d sing and dance in the rain to my heart’s content and then I’d run in shivering. Those were “the days”. They made everything seem perfect even when things were literally falling apart. Things certainly change. Fast.

Turning 21 was the dream. At least for me. It had this air of “I’m NOW an adult. I now can make my decisions. And listen to NO. ONE!” Some other things never change. Things like parents being the people they’ve always been and being all up in your business, yes?

The last one year was swift? Pretty much, was full of all sort’o stuff too. Here are a few take-outs:

–          Life is basically unfair, there’s not much you can do about it except go with the flow.

–          Family is everything.  And all their quirks and anomalies eventually are the things that set them apart and make you smile on those odd days when you allow your thoughts trail.

–          At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks about you. You can never please everyone. And even when you try, it’s never really worth it. Just stay true to you and to what is important, there’s really not much to life.

–          Friends come and go. It’s up to you to keep them or not, distance or not.

–          We make our choices, and even when we regret them, we still made them *shrugs*

–          Trust is much deeper than we think.

–          Home is where the heart is. It is not a single place, it’s wherever love (and family) resides.

–          Families aren’t always biological, after our God given ones, we pick our family; don’t make a mess of it.

–          Simplicity and calmness. Two wonderful things every individual should exercise.

–          You can’t ever know anything till you take the first step

–          You don’t have to be alone to be lonely.

–          Rule #1 of life. Do what makes YOU happy.

Maybe the greatest lesson I’ve had in the last one year is learning to let go, breathe and just love. Let go of things that I don’t need anymore. Let go of things that do not work anymore. Let go of the negative emotions and of expectations. When you learn how to let go of the right things, you’ll learn to travel lighter, with less baggage. Then, you’ll have more space for new things, and possibly for the best things yet to come.

I know now where I want to be, and what I want to be. I’m going after that now.

The aggrieved.

Yup. That’s me.

I work in my office (yeah, obviously) and I had a very best friend. She didn’t die. She resigned. And in a little over 36 hours, every step I’ve taken at work has come with pitying glances, hoping I’m fine.

Here are a number of reactions/responses I’ve gotten:

***

The Cleaner: Adeola, she no come yesterday and I no see her today, hope everything is fine?

Me: *flippanty* (or at least feigning it perfectly) She’s fine. She got a new job. She’s moved on.

The Cleaner: Hey! Sorry o! Eeyahhhh! Pele. God will create a way for you too o!

Me: *walking away wondering at what point I complained about my job to her and shaking my head* Amen

***

The Spirited Colleague: Hey, what’s this gist I’m hearing that she has moved? Is it true?

Me: Yup. Friday was her last.

The Spirited Colleague: Aww. I’m here for you! I know the void is too large to be filled but I’ll try. You hear?

Me: *With  a fake smile* I hear.

***

The very slow geek: Where’s your sister?

Me: *frustrated* She resigned.

The very slow geek: Aww. Why didn’t she take you along?

Me: As her handbag?

The very slow geek: No now, like get you a job there too

Me: *too tired to contain it* *fake smile* Ok! So you got your answer about her whereabouts, I need to go now. Bye!

***

The Team Lead: Aww ‘Deola, see how quiet you are ’cause she’s not around. Don’t worry, we’d soon employ someone to fill her position. I’m trying to find someone like you so you can get along nicely. Do you want a boy or a girl?

(I hope you share my exasperated sentiments at this point)

Others have included offers to go home with me, unexpected hugs, exaggerated kindness and of course the pitying glances

I’m getting pushed to putting up a sign at the door of my department that says;

“Hello people, this too shall pass! Can you help make it faster by being normal and not doing a poor job at feigning it, it’s starting to piss me off!”

I know they care, and I know it’s sheer love and compassion but  it’s not helping me one bit.

On the flip side, I miss you nigger and I miss the way it used to be. Remember this?

Voiceless “Mirror on the wall” cover