Those Wee Moments

I dropped Oba last night.

Oba’s my 1 year and seven month old nephew.

We had had a dandy evening – my aunt, the nanny, Oba and I – watching So you think you can dance and having all the people we rooted for get selected into the top twenty.

Now, somewhere in between the excitement and fun, I picked him up, tossed him in the air, did a little over the shoulder stunt and…

THUD!

He was faced down on the floor.

I stood still. Damn! The earth – as far as I knew – stood still.

I had a panic attack like I never felt before.

I was gonna die.

Someplace in the middle of his wailing and my screaming, his mom – bless her soul – had picked him up, consoling and checking for broken bones, missing teeth or swollen spots.

I just couldn’t move even after I shut the hell up.

I stood rooted to the spot, a thousand activities going on around me. All I could hear was the pain he was feeling. All I could think was the misery I just put him through. It just echoed on and on in my mind even after he was silent. And in those wee moments a dozen of thoughts went through my mind. Only one stuck.

Would I toss all my children down in a careless stunt, am I gonna be a good mom?

 

Dithering

You know that feeling old people get when they notice the first greying strand lurking in the midst of their dark mane?

I felt it today.

It’s the same feeling you get when you hear the invigilator yell “30 minutes left” and you look down at your still empty examination script.

Still the same feeling when you’re in a four hundred meters race and in your exhaustion you look up to find your counterpart a few more steps away from the finished line while  you still have a lap to go.

It isn’t about the physical feeling; like a growling in the belly or a skip in one’s heartbeat, it’s the sense of urgency it brings.

Knowing there’s so much to do in so little time.

Knowing the days aren’t measuring up to the goals written.

Knowing that getting a little laxer might get it all crashing down

Today makes it two years since I bagged a degree in Mass Communication

I still question if this is the dream.

 

Just Live

I had planned a more exciting first post, had planned a more exciting feel for my blog, had also planned a more memorable departure from my old blog to the new, And that’s the main problem, everything where I’m concerned always has to be planned. Skillfully articulated with a lot of “What if’s and Maybe nots” and trust me, it’s exhausting.

Today, I’m writing my very first post here and my site’s nothing near complete. I’m still stuck on a title. But I’m here now and that’s all that pretty much counts.

I haven’t written in  a long while but all of that is included in this journey.

I’m taking time out to learn to breathe…
To do the things I love with reckless abandon and JUST LIVE IN THE MOMENT

Welcome to my new title-less blog,

This journey would be worthwhile

Love,
Konko